Heartbreak

Almost exactly a month ago, my dear friend Phu wrote this.  I was in tears as I read what happened to her sweet dog Major.  I told Tanner and my mom and other friends about how horrible it was and how they loved Major the way we loved Winston, and I could not imagine losing him suddenly and tragically.  Despite my empathy, I knew I really could not understand how she felt.

Sadly, now I know.  Last Thursday we had to say goodbye to our precious Winston.  And as Phu said, words cannot describe my grief.  Which is perhaps why it has taken me over a week to get through writing this post.

Everything with Winston happened very quickly.  Sunday night I commented to Tanner that he did not seem like he felt great, but did not think much of it.  Early Tuesday morning, we woke up to him vomiting.  Again, I did not think all that much of it, but decided I would take him to the vet Wednesday if he was not better.  Tuesday I was dealing with a plumbing mess all day, but did not notice Winston vomiting any more.  Tuesday night, he started again, and first thing Wednesday I dropped him off at the vet.  I told them to go ahead and give him a booster shot he needed if he was well enough, as well as a bath.  A few hours later, I received a call I will never forget. Dr. Hunt told me that he was really sick, his bloodwork indicated that both his kindeys and liver were failing. She said the likely culprit was that he had gotten into something toxic, she suspected antifreeze (the test later came out negative).  I was told I could come see him at 2.  I headed home to scour the yard and garage for anything he could have gotten into, with no success.  I spent about a half hour with him at the vet.  He was so excited to see me, and I could not believe he could possibly be as sick as they said. That night Tanner and I transported him to an overnight animal hospital so that he could remain under observation and have fluids pumped continuously.  When we left I was hopeful, but when the phone rang at 1 am, with the night vet asking to cath him as he had not produced urine after 14 hours of fluids, I began to lose hope.  I was up the rest of the night, trying to work, googling everything I could think of, waiting for Hannah to wake up so I could get her ready for her first day of school, then rush to the animal hospital to pick up my sweet puppy and take him back to the vet.

When I saw him Thursday morning, I immediately knew that it would be the day we would have to say goodbye to him. He didn't perk up when he saw me, he had produced no urine overnight, and he looked like a very sick puppy. When we arrived back at his normal vets office, my worst fears were confirmed. His blood tests were even worse than the day before. I stayed with him until it was time to pick Hannah up from school. When another mother told me that the first day of school had been really hard for her as well (based on my appearance I am sure) I just shrugged my shoulders and agreed.  I dropped Hannah and the Vilmas off at Chuck E Cheese and Tanner met me at the vets office to say goodbye to precious Winston. 

We told him how much we loved him and how sorry we were.  We could tell that he hurt, but he still seemed to relish the pets and hugs, which we continued through his final breath.  I don't really know what else to say about it.  As anyone who has put down a beloved pet can probably attest to it was emotional and heartbreaking, but we knew we had made the right decision, and through the tears, there was a sense of peace.

I am still shocked that he went from being a healthy almost 5-year-old puppy to gone in the matter of a few days.  Adding to the shock is the frustration the comes from not knowing why. Every vet we dealt with seemed very confident it was related to something he ate. We just have no idea what it could have been. I guess my strongest suspicion is raisins, for no real reason other than lack of other scenarios. We are going to have the landscaper give us a list of everything growing in the yard, so I can do some googling and maybe come up with some other possibilities.  The reality is, we will never know.

We have lost a member of our family, and our home does not feel the same without him. First he was all mine. He is the first thing I was ever responsible for. When I brought him home in January 2008, suddenly my weeknight plans changed from drinks and dinners with friends to staying at home, cooking and playing with the dog. He was my baby.

Then he became our family pet. He loved Tanner immediately, and even though Tanner called him a cat and taunted him by singing "woo hoo" while petting him (the horror) it was clear from early on that the feeling was mutual. Later he became Hannah's constant companion. I pictured her growing up with him, and dreaded the day (which I thought would be much, much later) that we would all have to say goodbye to him. I miss hearing her call him "Weeeen-ton" and telling him to hush or to leave her food alone.

I could go on and on forever, but this is already long, and I am getting more emotional than is acceptable at work.

He was such a wonderful puppy and we miss him so, so much.

 

First Day of School

Hannah's first day of school was great.  Unfortunately, I was stuck on a board call, so Aunt Melissa walked her to the door.  When I picked her up her teacher said she was the perfect student and was the only one that did not cry.  She also informed me that Hannah was very independent, of course.  I took a few pictures and Hannah's teacher also sent a few.

Simmin

I find the more time that passes between blog entries, the more difficult it becomes to post.  There are so many posts that I should have written over the last four months, like about our trip to Disney World, or our move to a new home, or my 30th birthday, or multiple trips to the zoo and museums and most importantly Hannah's 2nd birthday.  It is my intention to get to these things, but if I wait until I get caught up, I may never post again.  So, I will start with the present.

Hannah started swimming lessons about a month ago.  While Hannah loves swimming, she hated swimming lessons with a passion.  When Inez, the swim instructor, showed up at our house, she would go into complete meltdown mode, screaming "I scared, I scared."  It seemed like she was getting nothing out of the lessons, and I was regretting that I wasted money on eight of them.  I debated stopping them, as they really upset her, but ultimately decided that she was most upset about not being in the pool on her own terms and that she might as well start working on developing her coping skills.  I managed to work from home yesterday, so I was able to observe her final swim lesson.  When Inez rang the doorbell, surprisingly Hannah did not start screaming.  She walked up and gave her a hug.  Inez told me Hannah had done much better Monday, they had had their first really productive lesson.  And then, I witnessed this:

So apparently, swimming lessons have not been a complete waste of money.  In fact, we are now signing on for eight more.  Then tonight, Miss Hannah and I went swimming and she wanted to do the "alligator," what she calls swimming on her own, over and over and over.  Now, she thinks she can swim, and while she is close, I think she overestimates her abilities a bit, so we will really have to be careful.

Post-swimming, Hannah decided she would pick out my pajamas for the night.  She picked out these hideous purple and black leopard pajamas, that I have no idea why I still have.  When I put them on, her response: "Oh my goodness, Mommy looks so cute."  Last week, she told Tanner she was proud of him when he drank a glass of water.  She is starting to talk to us the way we talk to her, perhaps she is trying to express to us that she would prefer not be patronized.