The Big 3-0

Tanner has told me before that he thinks online attestations of love and mushy facebook birthday wishes and anniversary wishes, etc. indicate underlying unhappiness in a relationship.  He has in fact told me that he assumes that people who do such things are likely trying to save flailing marriages/relationships, perhaps headed for divorce.  While I don't feel the need to tell someone I see every day how much I love him on facebook regularly, I do feel the need to post about Tan's milestone birthday and how very much I appreciate him (sorry babe, hopefully you will consider this an exception to your assumption).

Tanner,

Over the last year I have come to love and appreciate you in entirely new ways.  Becoming a mother has been overwhelmingly joyful, and watching you love our daughter so well is a substantial part of what makes it so.  Sometimes I get a tad jealous when she sings "dadadadadadaaaa" or laughs hysterically when you make certain noises or tickle her tummy, something I can rarely replicate.  That twinge is always instantaneously drowned out by intense gratitude.

I was reading an article in the WSJ yesterday talking about how couples' contentment in marriage is shown to drop substantially within one year of having a child.  I guess we don't have much of a control period for prior comparison, but thus far with every month that has passed, my contentment in our marriage and my respect for you has only increased.  One of the experts quoted in the article suggested that prior to delivery each couple sit down and make a list of all of the tasks that will be required once a baby arrives and divy each one between them fairly so neither feels as though they shoulder more of the burden.  It struck me as such a stark contrast from what we discussed at such length in pre-marital counseling regarding serving one another sacrificially. 

I never want to keep score and I am grateful and proud that so far we have been able to love eachother sacrificially.  Every night this week I came home to a nearly prepared dinner and a baby in the process of being fed.  The dishes always seemed to be done before I went to do them.  When Hannah took 45 minutes to go down at 10:15 on Wednesday night, you were the one with the patience to rock her to sleep, as you are most nights.  You made a rough week for me bearable, as you do so often, and for that I am grateful.  Although we don't keep score, please know that I notice and I appreciate.

You are still ten years away from your "I'm a Man" birthday, but thirty seems like such a big deal.  I have spent some time thinking about this milestone birthday of yours, and I am really overwhelmed by the extent to which you have grown up over the last several years.  You were really thrown some curve balls, and in my opinion you have hit them out of the park.  I think everyone who cares about you respects the man, the husband, the father and the teacher that you have become.  When West talks about transformational faith, it always makes me think about you and the way that you live your life now, with very different priorities, but without having abandoned many of the characteristics that all those who care about you appreciate so much.

Know that I am so proud of you and I love you so much.  It is an amazing privilege and joy to be your wife.  I can't wait to spend the weekend celebrating your big day.

Love,
Margaret

PS - Hope I am not in trouble, especially as you read on.

And now for the pictures...

From the last few several decades:

And from Tan's thirtieth year: